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Literature Text
Trying to chase dreams,
I find that I am eluded.
The hours tick away
body turning
mind churning
And then I notice...
the walls pull away from my reach
till I feel oh so small;
and though I'm on solid ground
the floor starts rocking
and I start
falling
falling
falling
falling
falling
...
Help!
I find you, holding me.
I am grounded.
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An attempt to describe Alice in Wonderland Syndrome (en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alice_in… ), which messes with the way my body perceives spatial relationships; it's not that I see things differently, but physical sensations like sense of space and movement are altered. It's something I've experienced since childhood but didn't know had a name until relatively recently.
This sort of thing happened all the time when I was a kid, and I'd be TERRIFIED when it did. Tylenol never really seemed to do much though, all I could do was wait it out.
I've mostly grown out of it, but it'll still happen occasionally, usually due to lack of sleep and/or stress. I don't get so scared when it happens now, it's more "Not again..."
EDIT: I've changed the first two lines of the middle stanza, mainly playing more with formatting to get the point across better.
Feedback questions:
What do you feel when you read falling falling falling....?
(related to above) The falling sensation I feel is less like falling through an endless tunnel, and more like falling through an infinite loop in Portal. This is really difficult to portray with inanimate text, but have I succeeded at giving it some sense of pacing at least? Is there any way to get closer to this sensation without animating it or getting wordy?
Is the transition fallingfallingetc-->help-->I find you difficult to follow?
Anything else?
This sort of thing happened all the time when I was a kid, and I'd be TERRIFIED when it did. Tylenol never really seemed to do much though, all I could do was wait it out.
I've mostly grown out of it, but it'll still happen occasionally, usually due to lack of sleep and/or stress. I don't get so scared when it happens now, it's more "Not again..."
EDIT: I've changed the first two lines of the middle stanza, mainly playing more with formatting to get the point across better.
Feedback questions:
What do you feel when you read falling falling falling....?
(related to above) The falling sensation I feel is less like falling through an endless tunnel, and more like falling through an infinite loop in Portal. This is really difficult to portray with inanimate text, but have I succeeded at giving it some sense of pacing at least? Is there any way to get closer to this sensation without animating it or getting wordy?
Is the transition fallingfallingetc-->help-->I find you difficult to follow?
Anything else?
Since I haven't gotten any feedback on it, I'm putting it in theWrittenRevolution and here's my most recent critique: ilyilaice.deviantart.com/art/C…
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Comments16
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hmm. because you wrote the line, 'the hours tick away', I'm wondering, do you also feel like you have a changed sense of time? like time moves much quicker?