This sort of thing happened all the time when I was a kid, and I'd be TERRIFIED when it did. Tylenol never really seemed to do much though, all I could do was wait it out.
I've mostly grown out of it, but it'll still happen occasionally, usually due to lack of sleep and/or stress. I don't get so scared when it happens now, it's more "Not again..."
EDIT: I've changed the first two lines of the middle stanza, mainly playing more with formatting to get the point across better.
What do you feel when you read falling falling falling....?
(related to above) The falling sensation I feel is less like falling through an endless tunnel, and more like falling through an infinite loop in Portal. This is really difficult to portray with inanimate text, but have I succeeded at giving it some sense of pacing at least? Is there any way to get closer to this sensation without animating it or getting wordy?
Is the transition fallingfallingetc-->help-->I find you difficult to follow?
just some minor suggestions. nice job though
Very good poem
1. In The first part of the poem I think of insomnia. You lay there all night "The hours tick away" "body turning" & "mind churning"... but nicely done
That was my feeling off the first part, and I like how you put"Trying to chase dreams"in the first sentence. Gives me a though that you can't sleep.
2. "falling, falling, falling..." I feel like I'm in a endless nightmare where you keep on falling off a cliff(or a building)for no reason at all, and it doesn't stop until your own body wakes itself up... so yes I can think of a loop going on,and on,and on.
Anyway, as a poem, I think it works well. I like the little formatting tricks you put in to help your reader connect with the sensation of falling and the stretching out walls. You might even be able to exaggerate the spacing on that line more to make it absolutely apparent that it's intentional. It's certainly a new topic, I've never read a poem about this before!
1. I feel a little bit of sympathetic freefall with the falling part. I like the way it's done visually, it does definitely lend itself to the sensation.
2. I didn't get the endless loop impression, unfortunately, but then I've never experienced this so, that could be part of it. Maybe if it's an endless loop you can try putting two columns of the word falling to give the sense that it happens over and over and over?
3. No, the transition is ok. I don't like the "..." being there because it seems like a pause more than an et cetera (but maybe that's what you want? I don't know). Still a pause right before screaming for help seems weird to me. But the help in the middle of tumbling over and over transitions abruptly, and I think that's good.
4. I'm not sold on the line "not quite the room I know". I get the meaning from it, that the room is somehow distorted or unfamiliar once you start to have the attack, but that seems a little vague and unspecific to me. I think I'd rather have a line about how the room is not quite the room or what about it seems off, if that makes sense? But that's just me. Probably worth it to get a little more feedback and see if anyone else has the same issues as I do, or if they're just native to my perception.
Anyway, overall, really intriguing! Thanks for sharing. It taught me something new!
I am guessing you changed this already. I like the īfeel oh so small part in lieu of the previous line. The walls stretching away is image enough (itīs a good one!)