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Trying to chase dreams,
I find that I am eluded. 
The hours tick away
body turning
mind churning

And then I notice...

the walls   pull      away        from           my                reach
till I feel oh so small;
and though I'm on solid ground
the floor starts rocking
and I start
falling
    falling
        falling
            falling
                falling
                        ...

          Help!

I find you, holding me. 

I am grounded. 
An attempt to describe Alice in Wonderland Syndrome (en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alice_in… ), which messes with the way my body perceives spatial relationships; it's not that I see things differently, but physical sensations like sense of space and movement are altered. It's something I've experienced since childhood but didn't know had a name until relatively recently.

This sort of thing happened all the time when I was a kid, and I'd be TERRIFIED when it did. Tylenol never really seemed to do much though, all I could do was wait it out.

I've mostly grown out of it, but it'll still happen occasionally, usually due to lack of sleep and/or stress. I don't get so scared when it happens now, it's more "Not again..."

EDIT: I've changed the first two lines of the middle stanza, mainly playing more with formatting to get the point across better. 

Feedback questions:
:bulletpink:What do you feel when you read falling falling falling....?
:bulletblue:(related to above) The falling sensation I feel is less like falling through an endless tunnel, and more like falling through an infinite loop in Portal. This is really difficult to portray with inanimate text, but have I succeeded at giving it some sense of pacing at least? Is there any way to get closer to this sensation without animating it or getting wordy?
:bulletpink:Is the transition fallingfallingetc-->help-->I find you difficult to follow?
:bulletpink:Anything else?

Since I haven't gotten any feedback on it, I'm putting it in theWrittenRevolution and here's my most recent critique: ilyilaice.deviantart.com/art/C…
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:icongoober-chunk:
goober-chunk Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2014  Student General Artist
hmm. because you wrote the line, 'the hours tick away', I'm wondering, do you also feel like you have a changed sense of time? like time moves much quicker?
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:iconalphabetsoup314:
alphabetsoup314 Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
No, although I've read that some people with the syndrome do experience a distortion of time. 

The reference was totally unintentional, but now that you've pointed it out, I'm gonna pretend it was.
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:iconmeldickinson:
meldickinson Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2014  Student Writer
im not sure how i feel about the changes in text size and spacing. i know it adds emphasis, but it's also a bit distracting. i do like the alice in wonderland feel youve got going on here. also where does this second person come from? i think the "you" should be introduced earlier on in the poem.

just some minor suggestions. nice job though :meow:
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:iconalphabetsoup314:
alphabetsoup314 Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks for the feedback, it's very much appreciated :D

-I will see if there is some way to make the effects less distracting. The exaggerated spacing in the walls pull away from my reach was a suggestion from another reader; the size change was my own experiment, I wasn't sure how that one would work out. 
-I never thought about the second person ('you'). I'll make it more clear who this person is. 
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:iconaliaseclectic:
AliasEclectic Featured By Owner Jan 27, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Seeing the description, I'd really like to experience the Alice in Wonderland Syndrome at least once, just to see how it feels.

About the poem,  I like the falling/falling/falling transition. I even think you can distance the verses even more, to create the illusion of space, see what it feels best, at least, I dunno, that's how I write 
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:iconalphabetsoup314:
alphabetsoup314 Featured By Owner Jan 27, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Well, supposedly LSD can have a similar effect on perception, but I do not condone illegal drug use. It can also be caused by chemical imbalances, migraines, fevers, epilepsy, brain tumors, but I wouldn't recommend trying to give yourself those either.

Thank you for the feedback :) 
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:iconrasphelion:
Rasphelion Featured By Owner Jan 27, 2014  Professional General Artist
A clever allusion to the classic tale. The font play here is a well placed double thrust, the first hit continuing the insinuation of Alice falling down the rabbit hole, the second hit proving the instability this syndrome can cause in your equilibrium. I love structural font play, with the right piece and content it can be an excellent way to further the words with a literal play made out of the words as you read them. 

 I will have to read about this Alice in Wonderland syndrome, I haven't heard of it until now.

With an infinite loop... I'd have more repetition in this piece. 
Try and find a way to echo the stanzas, maybe repeat them. What I see here is a great snippet of a single sound byte of an echo... you need the ringing echoes to reinforce the idea that this isn't just some 2 second ordeal. Just my thoughts on the matter!!

Great writing! And thank you for sharing!
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:iconalphabetsoup314:
alphabetsoup314 Featured By Owner Jan 27, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you for the feedback! I'm glad you've enjoyed reading this. 

Try and find a way to echo the stanzas, maybe repeat them. What I see here is a great snippet of a single sound byte of an echo... you need the ringing echoes to reinforce the idea that this isn't just some 2 second ordeal.
Maybe I'm just overtired and not thinking well, but can you please clarify what you mean by this? Perhaps send me a note or reply showing me what you mean?
Reply
:iconrasphelion:
Rasphelion Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2014  Professional General Artist
Take your stanza, like this one,

'till I feel oh so small;
and though I'm on solid ground
the floor starts rocking
and I start
falling
    falling
        falling
            falling'

and instead of immediately feeling saved. You can continue the illusion and oddities of Wonderland, by having the falling continue, repetition whilst continuing the pattern of falling, perhaps falling, then seeing the same sight again.

till I feel oh so small;
and though I'm on solid ground
the floor starts rocking
and I start
falling
    falling
        falling
            falling

Then larger... falling falling past the smaller version of myself. You can give the idea that you are free falling so much, that you are drifting past things you already fell past. Alice in wonderland is exactly that sort of trippy.

Make sense? Kinda? My description is not nearly as clear as I wish. I can clarify more if need be! 

Cheers!
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:iconalphabetsoup314:
alphabetsoup314 Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I think I see what you're trying to get at, though I'm not sure if that creates quite the effect I want. I'm trying to describe an actual sensation, not the fictional setting. I don't know if you've played Portal, but it's more like falling through an infinite loop in that game (except without the acceleration gain). Thanks for the suggestion though, it's appreciated :)
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:iconrasphelion:
Rasphelion Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2014  Professional General Artist
Portal is awesome! My apologies on a poorly explained idea. =)  Glad to try and help!
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:iconannafuru:
annafuru Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2014

Very good poem :D

 

1. In The first part of the poem I think of insomnia. You lay there all night "The hours tick away" "body turning" & "mind churning"... but nicely done:)

That was my feeling off the first part, and I like how you put"Trying to chase dreams"in the first sentence. Gives me a though that you can't sleep.

 

2. "falling, falling, falling..." I feel like I'm in a endless nightmare where you keep on falling off a cliff(or a building)for no reason at all, and it doesn't stop until your own body wakes itself up... so yes I can think of a loop going on,and on,and on.

 

3. "I find you, holding me. I am grounded." when I read that I think of waking up from that bad dream,knowing that I'm okay,and it was just a dream...
 
Overall this poem is quite nice and interesting!:)
 
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:iconalphabetsoup314:
alphabetsoup314 Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I think overall you've got the right sensations that I was trying to describe, but instead of being in a dream, imagine these sensations happening while you're still fully awake and conscious. Yeah, waking up and making everything go away isn't exactly an option. It was a terrifying and confusing experience as a kid, feeling like I was falling through my bed but not actually going anywhere. Medicine wouldn't help, all I could do was wait for it to pass. It still happens occasionally now that I'm an adult, but at least clinging to my husband seems to help. :)

I'm glad that you enjoyed the poem and found it intersting :D
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:icondoughboycafe:
doughboycafe Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2014  Professional Writer
I had no idea this was a syndrome, so, I certainly learned something today. Is it something with your inner ear or just perception based or... how does it work?

Anyway, as a poem, I think it works well. I like the little formatting tricks you put in to help your reader connect with the sensation of falling and the stretching out walls. You might even be able to exaggerate the spacing on that line more to make it absolutely apparent that it's intentional. It's certainly a new topic, I've never read a poem about this before!

1. I feel a little bit of sympathetic freefall with the falling part. I like the way it's done visually, it does definitely lend itself to the sensation.
2. I didn't get the endless loop impression, unfortunately, but then I've never experienced this so, that could be part of it. Maybe if it's an endless loop you can try putting two columns of the word falling to give the sense that it happens over and over and over?
3. No, the transition is ok. I don't like the "..." being there because it seems like a pause more than an et cetera (but maybe that's what you want? I don't know). Still a pause right before screaming for help seems weird to me. But the help in the middle of tumbling over and over transitions abruptly, and I think that's good.
4. I'm not sold on the line "not quite the room I know". I get the meaning from it, that the room is somehow distorted or unfamiliar once you start to have the attack, but that seems a little vague and unspecific to me. I think I'd rather have a line about how the room is not quite the room or what about it seems off, if that makes sense? But that's just me. Probably worth it to get a little more feedback and see if anyone else has the same issues as I do, or if they're just native to my perception.

Anyway, overall, really intriguing! Thanks for sharing. It taught me something new!
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:iconalphabetsoup314:
alphabetsoup314 Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks for the review!

Even though I do sometimes feel wobbly when it happens, it just affects the part of the brain that controls visual perception. I don't think anybody knows what exactly it's caused by (probably because it isn't super common?), but I think the main theory is that it works something like a migraine. 

I will definitely try spacing out the wall line a little more, I never thought about that!

2. If you play Portal and put one portal in the ceiling, one portal on the floor directly below it, then jumped through the one in the floor, you'll end up coming out through the ceiling portal, and back through the floor; then you keep falling endlessly from ceiling to floor to ceiling to floor to ceiling (etc)... that's kinda what it's like, maybe not with the acceleration you gain in the process. Hmm, I think I've inadvertently found a way to fix it. :idea:
3. I put the ellipses out of worry that there might be too much space between the last falling and 'help!'. I will definitely remove the ellipses; I think I've found a way to change things so that I won't have to worry about there being too much space. 
4. Hmmm, perhaps something like 'Still the same walls, but untouchable' (but worded better)? I do understand what you're saying, perhaps I'll have to think a bit longer on how to rewrite it.

I'm glad you enjoyed it and learned something in the process. :D
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:icondoughboycafe:
doughboycafe Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2014  Professional Writer
well that description of it you just gave cleared it all up. I donīt play portal, but I get what you mean.

I am guessing you changed this already. I like the īfeel oh so small part in lieu of the previous line. The walls stretching away is image enough (itīs a good one!)
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